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Christmas Vodka
Title- Christmas Vodka
Pairing- Ville Valo/Bam Margera (Vam)
Rating- PG-13
Originally Posted- December 25, 2005
Disclaimer- I don`t know the real people in this story. I don`t own anything besides the idea for this story. None of this happened in real life as far as I know.
Summary- Bam wants just one person for Christmas, but what happens when the person actually shows up?


Christmas. What is Christmas? Everyone acts like it`s a day to be good and jolly with your friends, family, and lovers. A day to give to others and to spread love and happiness and to sing those fucking annoying Christmas carols and piss everyone off. But for me, this isen`t really true. I guess you could say I have a lot to be thankful for. You know, the friends, the house, and the money. But I guess it`s human nature to always want more.

Is it stupid to want one person, and to be unhappy if you`re not with that one person? I had so many other friends to be with. Downstairs, I knew that Novak was throwing Christmas ornaments at people. I could have joined in. It would have been fun. Ape and Phil were probably sipping steaming hot coffee and relaxing in front of the T.V. I could have sat with them.

I could go on and on. CKY was there, which included my brother, who is usually busy, so it`s rare that I see him when he and the band are supposed to be touring. I could have, and probably should have, joined them at whatever activity they were involved in.

Could have, should have. I hate those words, because usually it`s other people telling you what you could have or should have done, and everyone had been telling me that all night as I sulked and pouted and stalked around the house with a glare and a frown on my face. Just because one person wasn`t there.

“Why don`t you go spend some time with your brother?” Ape had asked.

“Why don`t you stop Novak from eating the Christmas tree?” Phil had asked.

“Why don`t you come skate with us?” Dunn had asked.

But to all those questions my response had been to roll my eyes and stomp off to another room of my castle. All around me people were having fun. There was laughter, grins, and looks of happiness in everyone`s eyes. Everyone was in a good mood, that is, everyone except me.

So after awhile I got sick of all the holiday cheer and I went up to my room. No one had gone after me. They were probably worried about what I might do to them if they tried to go after me.

I didn`t even bother turning on the lights to my room. Whenever I`m drunk, sick, or depressed I leave the lights out, and my feelings tonight fell under the depressed category.

I took a seat by the window, pulling up the blinds so that I could see out. I had to use the sleeve of my sweatshirt to wipe off the condensation before I could look down on the snowy ground below.

The snow lit up the room like a candle. There was a lot of it on the ground, the pureness of it covering all the tainted things outside. It was still snowing. It wasn`t coming down heavily. The snowflakes were just drifting down, taking their time. It looked peaceful, which didn`t reflect my mood at all.

It was Christmas Eve. I guess it was really Christmas because it was well after midnight, but most people would probably still consider it Christmas Eve. Tomorrow would be Christmas. I didn`t plan on having a party tomorrow, but I knew that I`d have one anyways. A bunch of friends, family, bands, etc will just show up on my doorstep tomorrow. Usually, this is what I want, but knowing that the singer of one particular band won`t be there just kind of ruins the fun of it all.

The fact of the matter is that Ville Valo has a bunch of Finnish friends that he`d rather be with. He has band mates, friends, and family that he can spend Christmas with, or, knowing him, he might just choose to sit by a fireplace with his guitar and write songs on Christmas.

Of course it`s asking too much to expect him to fly all the way over here to spend Christmas with me. I don`t blame him for not coming. I invited him of course, but he said he was busy. He seemed kind of distant, like he was thinking of something. It`s like he`s the king of his own little world, one that I`m not a part of.

I got up from my seat abruptly and took to pacing around the room. I shivered. It was cold. Even with the heat turned way up, it was still cold. I had to smile. I knew Ville wouldn`t be cold if he was here. He was used to the harsher weather of his home land of Finland. He`d be walking about here in a t-shirt, going on about how it wasn`t at all cold and making fun of me for shivering.

I went to sit on my bed. I didn`t feel like pacing, or sleeping, or having a fun filled holiday spent with my family and friends. So I just sat.

I heard singing coming from somewhere. It sounded like someone was trying to sing a Christmas song. It also sounded like it was coming from outside. I frowned and got up, going over to the window. I couldn`t make out what the person was singing. Maybe Jingle Bells. I was too far away from them, and the window was shut and I sure as hell wasn`t opening it just to hear some dude sing. It was way too cold to do that.

So I went and lay down on my bed. I was miserable. I was being selfish too. Everyone was trying to cheer me up and I have basically told them all to fuck off. I was mad that I wasn`t having fun like I should be on Christmas Eve.

The singing had stopped. I was kind of disappointed. It had been a nice distraction. I rolled over onto my back and sighed. I wondered if I should call Ville. Nah. That would make me appear too desperate. I do have some pride.

I started to hear footsteps coming up the stairs to my room. I grunted. If anyone was coming to bother me, they would regret it.

There was a loud knock at my door.

“Bam? Guess who showed up drunk at your doorstep?” Dunn asked, sounding amused, but at the same time a little bit concerned.

“Can`t you deal with them yourself?” I asked, annoyed but curious at the same time.

“No, you`ll want to see him. Trust me,” Dunn answered. I sighed.

“Fine, fine, come in,” I said, exasperated. The door opened and in walked Dunn, who was carrying someone in his arms. It took me a moment to see who it was, but when I realized whom the dark hair and pale skin belonged to, I jumped up and rushed over to Dunn.

“Why didn`t you tell me it was Ville? I`m going to fucking kill you!” I yelled at Dunn. He smiled sadly. I took Ville from him, careful not to drop him.

“Well good luck with him. I have no idea what happened to his arm. He just showed up drunk outside the house. He was singing Christmas songs and crying. I gotta get back downstairs ok? So yea, good luck and all,” Dunn said, quickly turning to leave. He rushed out of the room, probably glad to be away from me and the drunken Finnish man that now lay in my arms looking up at me. He looked scared and confused. He cocked his head to one side and looked at me.

“Who are you and where am I?” he slurred, not raising his voice above a raspy, drunken whisper. I stared. I had gotten my wish. Not the way I wanted, of course, but at least Ville was here.

I wondered what had brought him here. I thought that he was supposed to be in Finland and if he was coming to surprise me, he probably wouldn`t have gotten this drunk.

“Your friend Bam. You`re in West Chester, Pennsylvania,” I said, turning to face my bed. I laid him down gently, resting his head on my pillow. That was when I saw his arm.

The skin on his arm was red, parts of it bleeding and parts of it smeared with blood. The skin was peeled and looked as if it had been burnt. It looked horrible and painful. It looked worse against the perfect, milky pale skin on the other parts of his body.

“Ville! What happened to your arm?” I asked him, grabbing his hand and raising his arm up to my face so that I could get a better look at it.

“My lighter burned me,” he muttered, turning his head away from me.

“How`d that happen?” I asked him, still inspecting his arm.

“I was depressed and it wanted to make me feel better. Don`t be mad at it, it had good intentions,” Ville said, looking up at me. I sighed.

“Ok, why the hell did you hurt yourself?” I asked him.

“I didn’t! My lighter did,” Ville protested, still slurring all his words. It was amazing I could understand him. He was upset and drunk and he has a heavy accent to begin with.

I wanted to yell at him for burning himself and for getting so drunk, but there wasn`t really a point to doing so and I knew it. He was too drunk to really listen, and I really wanted to hear what had happened to him and why he was here.

“So what happened? I thought you were going to spend Christmas in Finland,” I said.

“They didn`t want me,” Ville said. “They all invited me of course, Mige, Linde, Gas, Burton, my family, friends, but they didn`t really want me. They were just being nice,” Ville said.

“I wanted you,” I said. Ville frowned.

“I don`t know who you are,” he said.

“Bam Margera,” I answered.

“You`re not my Bammie,” Ville said. I didn`t bother correcting him. Like I said, there was no point in fighting with a drunken Ville.

“Anyways, I wanted to see my Bammie for Christmas. I knew he really wanted me. He always does, my Bammie. So I got on the first flight to Pennsylvania, but then I realized that Bammie was with his friends and family and I didn`t want to bother him. Then I figured no one but the vodka wanted me. The vodka and my lighter," Ville said sadly.

“That`s not true! I...I mean Bam probably really wanted you to come. He was probably hoping that you`d show up,” I said.

“No he wasn`t,” Ville said, bringing his uninjured arm out from under the covers and beginning to dig around in his pocket. He pulled out a lighter, held his injured arm out in front of him, and flicked the lighter. I snatched it from out of his hand.

“Stop it!” I yelled at him, throwing the lighter at the wall. It hit it and fell with a soft thud to the floor. Ville glared at me but said nothing. He didn`t have to. He spoke though his facial expression. He had this big pouting glare on his face. His green eyes looked like they were trying to see into me. His cheeks were a bit rosy and his lips were pressed together, lush but thin.

I shook my head in disgust with what he had tried to do to himself and began to walk out of the room, but a fragile sounding voice stopped me.

“Hey, don`t leave me!” Ville begged, his voice shaking. I turned to look at him. He was sitting up in bed, looking scared. His bottom lip was shaking. I rolled my eyes, still angry with him. I was angry with him for hurting himself and for hurting me. I wanted him to be lonely and upset like I had been when he hadn`t been there earlier, so I turned to leave. I wasn`t really leaving him. I was going to get bandages so that I could take care of his arm.

But I couldn`t leave, because all I could see was that frightened and confused face begging me to stay with him and I loved him, even if I was angry with him.

In two seconds I was by his side again, sitting on the bed next to him. He quickly grabbed my hand and held it in his. His hands felt cold to the touch. I shivered, partly because of the cold, being, well, cold and partly because the coldness of his hands was a turn on for me.

“You were going to leave me,” he said accusingly, his emerald eyes looking right into my blue ones.

“I was just going to get stuff for your arm,” I said.

“No, you wanted to leave me. Everyone wants to leave me. The girl, the one I was with, she left me. Or I left her. For Bammie. But Bammie doesn`t want me,” Ville slurred sadly.

“What do you mean you left your girlfriend for Bam?” I asked, raising my voice a little. I loved him. Did he love me? No, of course not. Vodka does things to your mind.

“I want to have hot Vodka inspired Christmas sex with my Bammie,” Ville said, grinning.

“No you don`t, you don`t mean that, you`re drunk,” I snapped. I refused to have Ville get my hopes up.

"Well he doesn`t want me. Everyone hurts me,” Ville said sadly, ignoring me. I caught sight of his arm again, the skin still peeled and red, looking extremely irritated.

“Did you get hurt anywhere else tonight?” I asked, concerned. Who knows what he was up to.

“Yes...” Ville said reluctantly.

“Where?” I asked.

“Somewhere,” he answered, looking away from me.

“Where Ville? Damn it, just tell me!” I snapped. He looked at me with wide eyes and I sighed.

“Please Ville? I just want to make sure that you`re ok,” I begged.

“It`s too personal,” he said.

“Ville, did someone fuck you or something?” I asked, concerned. He shook his head no. I felt a wave of relief go over me.

“No...ok fine, someone broke me,” he whispered, as if he was worried that the bed would hear and would tell his secret to him.

“Broke you?” I asked.

“My heart. Broke my heart,” he said.

“Oh. I`m sorry,” I said awkwardly, not knowing exactly what he say to make the Finnish man feel better.

“I love my Bammie but he always breaks my heart. Last time I was here he got drunk and said he loved me, but he never said it again when he was sober and I didn`t want to bring it up,” Ville said. I gasped.

“I SAID WHAT TO YOU WHEN I WAS DRUNK?” I asked, my eyes going wide.

“Not you, Bam. He said that he loved me and he wanted to be with me forever,” Ville said.

“I SAID THAT TO YOU? WHY THE FUCK DIDN`T YOU TELL ME?” I yelled.

“Bam said it! Not you, and I didn`t want him to get mad at me, so I just let him break my heart!” Ville said.

“I CAN`T BELIEVE THIS! I CAN`T BELIEVE THAT I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU! WHAT THE HELL ELSE DID I SAY WHEN I WAS DRUNK?” I asked, getting up and beginning to pace around the room.

“Bam told me that he wanted to marry me someday. He said that I was beautiful and perfect. I told him that he was drunk and he said he knew he was but he really meant it, he just wasn`t brave enough to tell me when he was sober,” Ville said, looking heartbroken and fragile. I wanted to gather him up in my arms and tell him that I loved him and make it all better and not have him cry anymore, but there wasn`t time for that right now.

“Oh god, I can`t believe I told you that,” I mumbled, continuing to pace back and forth in front of him.

“You won`t tell Bam that I told you that, will you?” Ville asked, and when I looked into his face, I had to calm down a bit and get back to reality. He was hurt and he was drunk and he needed to be able to depend on me.

“No, I won`t tell him,” I said softly, going over to sit next to Ville on the bed. My eyes fell back on his injured arm and I jumped up again.

“I`m going to get some stuff and take care of that,” I mumbled, running out of the room before the poor, drunken singer could object.

In less than five minutes I was back, first aid kit in hand. Shortly after that I was sitting beside Ville with some bandages, covering his arm with them. Occasionally he`d whimper in pain and feebly try to jerk his arm away. When that happened, I`d apologize and stop for a moment to let the pain die down before starting again.

Ville looked so pathetic with his bandaged arm, flushed cheeks, and blood shot eyes. I just wanted to kiss him. I couldn`t, of course. I just couldn`t. Well, on second thought, maybe I could...

“Ville, it`s me. It`s your Bammie,” I said, tears beginning to form in my eyes. Ville looked at me.

“My Bammie? Yes, Bammie, it does look like you. Your friend was here earlier, you know,” Ville mumbled.

“Yea, I know. Listen, Ville, I love you,” I said to him. He looked at me with this goofy look of shock. Then he shook his head slowly, his hair falling in front of his eyes.

“You must be drunk again, my love,” he said softly, which was ironic. I smiled.

“No, I`m not drunk,” I said. Ville smiled sadly.

“Later then, Bam. Later we can talk about this. Isen`t it Christmas?” he asked. I nodded.

“Oh, nice. Because I don`t remember what day today is,” he said. I smiled. What a loser my Ville was.

My Ville? Oh great. I`m committed. Nice move Bammie, now you even think of Ville as yours in your head.

“Bammie, my head hurts,” Ville said.

“Poor Ville. Why don`t you take a nap?” I asked him, gently stroking his cheek. He squirmed happily under my touch and it made me feel incredible to bring so much pleasure to someone by doing something so small.

“No I can`t sleep, it`s Christmas and I don`t want to ruin your Christmas,” he said, looking up at me apologetically.

“Sleep Ville, come on, please?” I asked.

“Fine, but you have to stay with me,” he said. I nodded.

“Sure, sure, just go to sleep,” I said.

“Yay Bammie!” Ville cheered weakly. I smiled.

“Just let me put the first aid shit away and I`ll be right back,” I said to him, leaning down and kissing his cheek. It felt soft and velvety. He smiled.

“Bammie?” he asked sleepily, “I love you.”

“I love you too Ville,” I answered.

I smiled and looked at him. He was so adorable. He was the ultimate Christmas present. I dare you to find something that I`d rather have for Christmas than Ville in my bed, even if he was drunk and probably didn`t really love me.

So I gathered up everything and left the room to put everything away. I heard yelling and laughter coming from downstairs. I smiled. This was the best Christmas ever simply because Ville was a part of it.

I went to brush my teeth before returning to Ville. When I came back into the room Ville was lying there with his eyes closed, fast asleep. He looked like my little Christmas angel.

I smiled lovingly at my sleeping Ville and carefully laid myself down next to him, careful not to wake him up. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, half asleep, before I rolled over onto my side and wrapped my arms tightly around his sleeping body.

Ville snorted and rested his head on my arm. I kissed him above his eye and closed my eyes, only to open them again to see that he was safe. Then I finally closed them.

One night. I was getting Ville for one night, even if it wouldn`t last.


The muffled sound of stomping and yelling drifted into my ears, waking me out of my peaceful slumber.

“Ok, ok, no more cheese! Will you stop hitting me?” I heard someone yell in the hallway as feet stomped and more yells sounded.

I yawned and opened my eyes, trying to remember what was going on. I lifted my head to see Ville lying there motionless, his eyes tightly shut and an expression of pain on his face. As I woke up a little bit more, I realized that he was whimpering.

“Ville?” I asked softly, sitting up and reaching out to touch his shoulder. Ville whimpered and opening his eyes, squinting at me.

“Bammie?” Ville whimpered.

“Yea, it`s me,” I said, wondering just how much of last night Ville remembered.

“I...I...Bammie I`m scared, my arm is all fucked up and I have no idea how I got here or what happened. I just remember coming to Pennsylvania and going to the bar and then waking up right now next you,” Ville whimpered. Poor guy, he must have a killer hangover.

“You told me last night that you drank a lot and then came over here. Dunn found out and brought you upstairs to me. I laid you down and took care of you. As for your arm, well, you burnt yourself with your lighter. You kept saying that your lighter did it to you because you were depressed. It`s ok though, it`s really not that bad. You were really drunk last night,” I finished, rubbing his back and speaking softly so as not to make his headache worse.

“Bammie, did I say anything weird to you? Because I keep thinking that I said something, something that you shouldn`t have heard,” Ville said. I took a deep breath.

“Well, actually, you kind of said that...that you loved me,” I said timidly, resting my head on his shoulder. Ville groaned in agony.

“Oh god, Bam, I`m sorry,” he said, sounding very upset. I shook my head.

“No Ville. I should be the one saying I`m sorry. You said that I told you I loved you once when I was drunk,” I said.

“You did,” Ville said, speaking softly.

I moved my hand to his head and began rubbing his temples, trying to ease the pain of his headache. He moaned.

“Well, do you really love me?” I asked.

“Maybe,” Ville said softly.

“Oh come on, make up your mind,” I said.

“Fine, fine, I do, ok?” Ville asked.

“Ok, good, because I love you too you stupid drunk,” I said, bending down to kiss his head. He opened two tired looking eyes and smiled weakly.

“My Christmas wish come true,” Ville mumbled.

“Mine too. You know I was so depressed until you showed up,” I said.

“Hmmm,” Ville said, smiling again and closing his eyes. He then moved his weak little body closer to mine and rested his head on my lap.

I did what any good lover would do, of course, and began to touch him, running my fingers through his hair happily. Every so often he`d moan in pleasure at my touches.

The poor little thing`s arm though...I felt so bad. I hoped that it didn`t scar. Damn lighters.

After awhile, I realized that my Ville was asleep. I lay down gently and slowly. He didn`t wake up.

It was going to be a very lazy but pleasent Christmas.

I decided to fall back asleep, so I closed my eyes, only to open them again a moment later.

I silently cursed the gods for letting lighters be invented. Anything that hurts Ville`s flawless skin is an evil sent from hell.

Closing my eyes again, I thought of the joys of vodka. Christmas vodka. It got Ville to admit to his love for me.

And so, before I fell asleep on Christmas Day, I silently thanked the gods for vodka.